That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
