I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you win again, gameday.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
