I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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