she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
