She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
