I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
