2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
