Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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