you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
