I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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