the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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