dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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