found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
