Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
