I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize