were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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