Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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