Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
