what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
