dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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