I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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