I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
