At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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