Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
