I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
