Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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