Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
