just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
