i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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