There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
