he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Im part way to drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
