the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
