I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
