We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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