felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
