Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
