Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
