The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I fill condoms, not promises.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I have post one night stand depression
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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