Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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