wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
