mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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