CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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