What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
