If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
