There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You dont lie about slip and slides
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
