She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
