literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
