My cat gives me a boner
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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