Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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