We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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