you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
