I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the condom got lost in my hair
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
