the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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