Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
