how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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