your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
