I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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