lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
