You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Why are your pants in the freezer?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
