Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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