Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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