I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
