thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
