he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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