I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
