He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
