Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
