youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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