is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
